Dear Reader,

I’ve been thinking a lot about what qualities I desire in a man.  I’d like him to be physically and energetically masculine.  I’d like him to take the lead in our relationship and be a strong personality.  Even though he’ll have a strong personality, I’d like him to be expressive and able to be vulnerable and give me the space and time to be myself and understanding of the fact that I may do things and think differently than him.

I don’t expect him to be perfect and I know there will be flaws and clashes with different personalities.  The MOST IMPORTANT quality is that he values my gentleness, softness, and emotional depth.  Instead of seeing it as a weakness or something to take advantage of.  That he sees these qualities in me as something to cherish and love deeply in me.  Me being an emotional woman is a strength.  Not a weakness for him to prey on.

The past couple months of this year have been spent on forgiving the men I’ve dated who haven’t given me what I wanted and desired deeply.  Perhaps I hadn’t given them what they desired, too.  Initially, I felt so much anger and rage at previous lovers.  I felt deep sadness and anger at myself, too.  I couldn’t understand how I had gotten every part of my life right and together.  Except for my personal romantic life.

This wasn’t true though, of course.  Through all my healing work particularly around my sexuality, I realized the deeply entrenched beliefs I carried in my heart and soul and body.  My mother and grandmother and who knows how many generations in both sides of my family carry the belief of being unworthy of love.  I didn’t realize I carried this in my cells. 

Slowly and slowly, I am realizing that I too deserve to be in love with a wonderful man who loves me for who I am and takes care of me and most of all, values my qualities of gentleness and softness in a world that is filled with pretension and manipulation and cruelty.

I am bohemian and old-fashioned at the same time and am so accepting of all kinds of people from all walks of life.  My soft presence brings him a soothing, healing, beautiful, sensual energy.  I desire to be so loved and accepted by him that I’m able to drop my emotional distance and walls.

My deepest desire in my life is for a man to stand up for me.  For someone to hold my hand and tell the world that I belong to him.  I want him to have the courage to be a man in every sense and stand up for me and in return, I will be the most sensual, enchanting, devoted, loyal, loving woman to him forever.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu