How to Deal With a Commitment Phobic Man

November 13, 2014 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

Firstly, what are the qualities of a commitment phobic men? Why are they like that? Is it possible for them to change? If you ever crossed paths with one, these questions may have entered your mind.

Commitment Phobic Man

A Commitment Phobic Man Has a Fear of Commitment

There is an unhealthy emotion or image attached to commitment. Even though he may be attracted or even in love with the woman in question, he can’t commit because there are too many fears bundled in him. He becomes anxious and may even panic when any topic or action even remotely reeks of commitment because in his mind he has associated it to not having his freedom.

Why is he like that? There are many possible reasons. He didn’t come from a stable home. He went through some deeply traumatic experience as a child that caused him to develop an unhealthy image of relationships and intimacy.

Talk to Him

If you’re seeing a man who is commitment phobic, then have a honest, open conversation with him. Tell him how you feel. Listen to him patiently while he tells you how he feels. This is the first step to deal with it together as a couple.

Tell Him to Deal with his Inner Fears

The ironic thing about a commitment phobic man is that even though he may be with the woman of his dreams, his fear may be greater than his desire to be in an intimate relationship. The only way this can change is when he stops running away from his fears, breaks his patterns of intimacy, and actually deals with all his fears.

Don’t Compromise Your Own Worth and Dreams

You can be supportive, but there is only so much you can do. Unless he doesn’t put in the work and want to deal with his own fears, there’s not much you can do. If you do want marriage and a healthy relationship, then give yourself time and also be clear to the man you are seeing. Don’t compromise on your own worth.

Have you had this experience? What did you do? Please share with me in the comments.

Lessons We Can Learn from Beyonce and Jay-Z’s Relationship and Marriage

November 11, 2014 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

There are not too many ideal relationships in the world, let alone the celebrity world. Recently, there has been much speculation on the state of Beyonce and Jay-Z’s relationship. Of course, I’m sure they are like any couple and don’t have a perfect relationship, but I do feel there are many worthwhile lessons you can take away from them.

Ideal Couple Beyonce and Jay-Z?

Keeping Your Relationship Private

From the outset, despite tremendous coverage and speculation, Beyonce and Jay-Z kept their relationship under wraps tightly. They didn’t shy away from making public appearances, but rarely spoke about one another in interviews.

I think one of the reasons may have been no one knows in the beginning how the relationship will turn out and where it will head. It’s important to protect the privacy and sacredness of your relationship.

Allowing Your Relationship to Blossom Naturally

Too many people open their mouth to announce their relationship, only for it not to work out in a short time. Sometimes, other people’s opinions get in the way or you just opened your mouth too soon.

Allow your relationship to unfold naturally and one step at a time. This way, you ensure whatever course it takes, it was your decision all the way and you weren’t influenced by anything or anyone external.

Supporting Each Other through Thick and Thin

I don’t know for sure, but you can tell they don’t have much ego when it comes to each other. They attend each others concerts, events, and award ceremonies. In fact, they seem to be each others biggest supporters!

Focusing On Your Own Lives and Bringing out the Best

Beyonce didn’t slow down after marriage and Blue Ivy. Jay-Z seems like he plays an active role in raising their child and both of them are as busy in their career and lives before marriage. You can still remain true to yourself even when married or in a relationship!

What are your thoughts on this post? Please share with me in the comments.

When I told a Guy I Liked Him in College – My Experience

November 10, 2014 by Priyanka 3 Comments

I don’t think I have ever talked about this experience so openly and fully. But I feel it is the perfect time to reveal this experience. It happened seven years ago in college, yet it remains imprinted in my mind.

Liking a Guy

A Guy I was in Love With

I was a Resident Advisor in my last year of college. The guy I liked was a resident, though not part of my building! He was a resident of my team member’s building and a part of the transfer student building specifically.

He was tall, rugged looking, dirty blond, and had the most gorgeous, sparkling blue eyes.

Sigh! Even Today, I can Feel that Electrifying Feeling

He wasn’t the most good looking guy, but there was something very striking about him. He definitely had an aura.

Immediately, I fell for him. At the time, I was working out like crazy and trying to shed off the pounds I had piled on in high school. That was the year I was regaining my confidence and feeling good about myself.

I Couldn’t Stop Thinking About Him and Confessed My Feelings to Him…

All I could think about was him. I genuinely liked him a lot, but was incredibly shy around him. But as the school year wrapped up and I knew I was graduating and would move on, I felt compelled to tell him my feelings.

At first, I couldn’t do it. I waved it off. But I couldn’t sleep and that thought just kept swirling in my head. One day, I ran into him in the night as as I was walking to another resident building. There was no around him and no one was with me. This was my moment.

It was the Perfect Time

With a shaky voice and an extremely red face, I told him that I had a major crush on him and liked him with all my heart. He grinned and also turned red. Then, in a low voice, he told me he had a girlfriend!

My Heart Sank

It was the most exhilarating and intense experience in my life up until that point. I felt free to express my feelings to him, but as soon as he told me he had a girlfriend, my heart sank.

Later, perhaps due to immaturity with us both being young, he started to avoid me and I could tell the way his friends looked at me at the dining commons and chuckled, I knew that they knew about my confession. I felt embarrassed. He even blocked me on Facebook and I became confused and sad because I never said anything to him after our run in. I had decided to leave him alone considering he had a girlfriend.

I wanted to complete my last year of college with my dignity intact. One early morning after a rigorous gym workout, I saw him with his girlfriend sharing breakfast and being loving. My heart broke into many pieces.

Today, I realized How Much Courage it Took Me

This experience cracked my heart open. It was my very first time dipping my foot in the love and romance water. I took a chance even though it didn’t turn out the way I wanted. I put myself on the spot. It took me a year to get over that experience. But looking back, I realize how much I grew as a person since then. Today, I could share this experience, but if I hadn’t done it, I would have kept wondering what would have happened… Sometimes, it’s better to know 🙂

What are your thoughts on this post? Please share with me in the comments.

What to Do If You’re Dating a Guy Your Parents Do Not Like

November 7, 2014 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

This is a tricky situation. You love your parents, but you love your boyfriend as well. What do you do in this situation?

Parents Don’t Like Boyfriend

Be Respectful Towards Your Guy and Parents

If your parents don’t like your boyfriend, make sure you are still respectful towards your parents. Your parents are entitled to their opinion after all.

Do the same with your boyfriend, make sure you respect him even if your parents don’t like him. Your boyfriend may not feel great and feel insecure about the situation, so it’s important you be gentle to him during this time.

Ask Your Parents Why

When things cool down, ask your parents why they don’t like your boyfriend. Listen to the reasons calmly. If your parents don’t give you a reason and just say they don’t like him, then you should still be polite, but press for reasons.

Express Yourself and Be True to Yourself

At the same time, be true and honest about your decision to be with your boyfriend. Probe about their reasons, but make it clear that they should respect your decision. You have a right to live your life on your terms. Be sensitive to your parents’ reasons and concerns, but at the same time, be aware that you can steer your life’s ship the way you wish as an adult.

Have you had this experience? How did you react? Please share with me in the comments.

What if You Need to Hide Your Boyfriend from Your Parents

November 6, 2014 by Priyanka 4 Comments

Do you have a boyfriend you wanted to hide from your parents? I have known friends who have done this. Heck, I have done this before as well. I am not approving this nor am I condoning this. All I am saying is this can be a reality and it can happen.

From personal experience, I can tell you this is very time-consuming and can become messy. Initially, you may get a thrill out of it. But when too much time passes and the more serious your relationship becomes, hiding your boyfriend fills you with nervousness and anxiety.

Having said that, the older I get, the more I realize there are is no black or white in life. Only grays…

Hiding Your Boyfriend

Think Deeply About Your Decision of Hiding Your Relationship

A relationship is intense. You may fall deeply in love with your boyfriend and he may be in love with you. If you are in the beginning stage of your relationship and wasn’t sure about your feelings and decided to hide your boyfriend to figure out your feelings, that’s fine. But think about this decision carefully. Understand the pros and cons associated with it.

Maybe your parents won’t approve of him because of an age difference or you’re from different backgrounds. Whatever the reason, you’re hiding him because your parents will not approve of him. I’m not saying this is the right solution, but if it feels right for you at the time, then do it responsibly.

Make Sure You’re on the Same Page as Your Boyfriend

When you take the decision of hiding your relationship, have an open discussion with your guy. Make sure you two are on the same page. Stories I heard from my girlfriends and even something I can tell you personally is that hiding your relationship can take a toll on you both. This is why it’s even more important to talk the decision out.

Set a Time Limit

Be realistic about hiding him. Understand you can’t hide him forever. There will have to come a day when you will need to develop the courage and tell your parents about him. Set a timeline for when you want to tell your parents. The longer you take, the more you two will become pressure cookers.

Have a Good and Trusted Friend

I had my best friend to confide everything to. I would highly suggest having a close and trusted friend with whom you can share your experiences of hiding your relationship. Someone who you know will support you unconditionally and you can lean on because this won’t be a smooth ride. Also, she can give you good advice and help you to develop the courage to tell your parents about your relationship.

After all, when you fall in love, don’t be embarrassed about it. Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing and you can love your parents and be with him at the same time. You don’t need to let go of one or the other. You can respectfully disagree with your parents and still fulfill your responsibilities as a daughter and yet remain true to yourself and be with the man you love.

Have you ever hidden a boyfriend from your family? How did you feel? Please share with me in the comments.

Priyanka Yadvendu

Answers to Joy, Intimacy, Security, Family & Romantic Relationships for 20-Something Women