My Sexual Work is Supporting Me to Create Passive Income Streams to Embrace Marriage & Motherhood

July 10, 2018 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

Dear Reader,

In all my posts I speak about navigating my sexual transformation journey. Something else this journey has created is my creativity is blossoming greatly. I feel ideas and visions float into my mind when I’m sleeping, showering, bathing, or being still. I am learning to cultivate my sexual energy and not release it immediately and let it stay in my body so I can relish it and nourish it and hold space for this life force sexual energy in my body.

Creative Passive Income Through My Sexual Work

When I hold the energy, my womanhood blossoms and my feminine energy becomes stronger. I become like a magnet who can draw to her what she desires with much, much, much, much more ease and flow. Rather than hustling or “working hard” for what I desire, I do the energetic work first and then take the right actions and allow it to flow to me the way the river flows naturally and abundantly. Life is much easier when I flow.

In this way, my creative energy flows the way my sexual energy flows 🙂 I am seeing how money and sex are connected and since my self-worth is increasing, I also feel more worthy to receive money in healthy, loving, and easeful ways. I am working on creating passive income streams by creating a digital course based on my workshop that was successful last year.

I am in the creation stage of this digital course and I am putting all my love, sensuality, and energy into this course. It is exciting and I feel filled with joy and happiness when I work on my digital course. I feel that my creative gifts are worth receiving money for and the money I receive from this digital course I shall save for my future.

I am giving myself the beautiful gift of freedom, space, and joy by creating passive income streams. I have an idea for a book I’d like to write, though that will be next year. There is no rush 🙂 Everything unfolds in its own time naturally and magically. I am willing to trust the divine timing.

I am also doing this to prepare for the next phase of my life which is a life with my Beloved. Our beautiful life together where marriage and children occur and I’d like to focus on him so he can show up fully for his desires and dreams and be the leader in our relationship and life together.

With Love,

Priyanka

Image source: Learn to Dance

I am A Very Passionate & Seductive Woman Underneath my Reserved and Guarded Facade

June 27, 2018 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

Dear Reader,

It is difficult to open my heart. Because I don’t trust anyone easily. I feel guarded and reserved. I know what I have to offer to a masculine man.

I Desire to Open My Wild Heart and Body to the Right Masculine Man

My definition of a masculine man is not just someone physically masculine and assertive, it also includes a man in touch with his softness, vulnerability, and emotions. To me, this is a real man. A man who takes ownership and responsibility for his actions and decisions and especially mistakes and can see someone else’s point of view in addition to his.

A real man is someone who doesn’t rely on manipulation and games to achieve his aims because when he is truly connected to his manhood deeply, there is no need. Everything speaks for itself. His actions speak for itself. A man with the highest level of standards, integrity, and character for himself and the woman he chooses to be with.

I have so much to offer to my sexy, loving Beloved. I don’t jump into anything impulsively, especially a relationship. I like to take my sweet time and if he is the right man for me, then he shall wait for me 🙂 I have that much confidence in myself and I believe the courtship and seduction must happen elegantly and slowly so the process is filled with deep pleasure, sensuality, and joy. Something precious is always worth waiting for, yes? 😉

I am becoming my truth and embodying the divine feminine so I can set us both free in our divine sensual encounters. There is fire inside me. All it takes is one touch and one look to set my body on fire. But I keep that fire reserved for only the man who is worthy of it. Until he does not prove to me he is a true man in every sense, I will cultivate my sensual fire deep in my body and keep it warm and burning. Once the flood gates of my heart and body open, it is because you will have deserved it and are worthy of my sexual energy, love, affection, and attention. You will have touched the deepest corners of my soul.

I have spent the time honoring what could have been and processing my shame around my sexuality. Now I am ready to learn the intricacies of seduction and my sexuality. I am exploring what touch feels good on my body and the gaze of the eyes and the movement of the body all plays a unified role in seduction. I am now ready to express my my sexuality. Express my wild woman. I want to express who I am deep inside that I’ve kept hidden since childhood. I know I am a Sex and Sensual Goddess since childhood because this is my portal to connect to the Universe and the Divine.

My walls…my guarded and reserved nature is to test you. To see how far you can rise to become the man you are meant to be. To become your highest form. It is to see how far you are willing to reach deep inside your soul to reflect true manhood, character, and courage. To face your wounds and weaknesses with bravery. Because I won’t settle for anything else.

I desire to open my heart and body to the right masculine man and I’m preparing to become a sensual Goddess to surrender to you. Because when that time comes, I will be prepared. I will know it is right. I will know that I am ready. When I open my heart, I open everything to you. My bliss, pain, wildness, rage, joy, love…everything.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu

Shedding My Shame and Fear Around My Sexuality to Heal Myself

June 18, 2018 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

I felt like I didn’t exist.

Healing Myself Through My Sexuality

I was an empty weight.

I was worthless and unworthy.

That feeling still lingers in me.

I still feel scared to confront anyone or to speak up for myself.

Those horrific twenty minutes affects me every day of my life.

It affects me to have a normal relationship with a man romantically, even though I deeply crave companionship and intimacy.

My story doesn’t seem to leave me. It has haunted me for a long time. I went through lulls of pain and grief. I went through soul searching self-understanding.

I am proud to say that I’ve evolved into a different person. I feel more comfortable with my vulnerability and sexuality.

When I was twenty-seven years old, I met a man online and began exchanging emails. His name was Alex. Our email exchange occurred for several months as he was out of the country traveling for work. When he finally returned to the United States, we met up for our first date.

Everything about that first date seemed perfect.

It was raining profusely and Alex stood outside the restaurant holding a fresh bouquet of red roses. My heart melted at the sight.

We had a delicious dinner where the waiter mistook us as a couple celebrating our anniversary, spotting the red roses on the table. After dinner, we watched a movie together and I felt waves of heat and chemistry wash me.

Alex had to make another trip out of the country, so we continued keeping in touch through emails.

As time wore on, I realized he was becoming aggressive and controlling. He wanted to know where I was constantly despite being in different countries. He would become angry if I didn’t respond fast enough. Those seemed like little things to me, so despite my niggling feeling, I carried on. I met up for a second date and finally a third date.

After rounds of appetizers and drinks, we decided to watch a movie at the theater. I let Alex drive. Though I had two to three drinks maximum, it was enough for me to feel the buzzing sensations of alcohol. I had low tolerance for alcohol. I trusted him to drive me to the theater safely. After all, we had known each other for many months by then.

Upon arrival, Alex pulled out a bottle of whiskey from his car trunk and started drinking. I insisted he stop drinking and head to watch the movie. But he pulled me towards him and kissed me abruptly.

I was taken by surprise, but kissed him back.

As I kissed Alex, my belly stirred with an unfamiliar feeling.

I pulled my body back and pushed the car door open slightly. Just enough for fresh air to blow in. His mouth landed more kisses on my lips and face and with his hands tried to close the door I had just opened. I reached for the door again and pushed it open. He insisted to shut the door again, but I said I was feeling too hot in the car. This pulsing inner sensation in my chest and stomach commanded me to keep the door open.

It was like my body warned me before I even realized what would unfold next.

Alex jumped out of the car and screamed about his gigantic bank balance and multitude of properties he owned in the theater’s parking lot. I was desperate and embarrassed by his boastful screaming as passersby walked to the theater. Once I had calmed him and had him in the car again, I was about to suggest dropping the movie idea and calling it a night. But within seconds, he pulled me towards him with force and kissed me wildly. Then, he jumped on top of me. His six feet frame crushed my five feet frame and exerting his full force on me, my body was being swallowed by his. Air escaped my lungs. I gasped for air and tried to stop him with my petite frame and sloppy movement.

I don’t remember all the details, but I do remember telling Alex I couldn’t breathe. But he continued to force himself on me despite my words. I repeated the words over and over, but he kept going. I tried to yell as people were leaving the parking lot in their cars, but no one heard my muffled cries or saw my struggle.

Let me tell you how this feels.

I thought I was never going to breathe again.

I thought I was never going to see my family again. I thought I was never going to see my dreams come true.

I thought about what would happen next with him on top of me. I became numb and limb. But my right arm somehow slipped out from our bodies’ entanglement and I pushed the car door open.

As Alex tried to close the car door, my mouth became free and I screamed. Still no one came and I was engulfed with terror. I thought about what would happen next. I thought about him forcefully penetrating me, as he tore at my clothes. Until the security guard came running towards me, his voice urgent, asking what happened. Alex got up and dusted himself and pretended nothing happened.

The security guard asked me if I was alright and escorted me to my car.

I went home and fell asleep, holding myself tightly the entire night. The next morning, my phone revealed fifty missed calls and dozens of text messages on my phone. In the last ten hours.

I told my best friend and she encouraged me to report him to the police. But I doubted myself and actually thought maybe he hadn’t attempted to sexually assault me. Maybe it was all in my head and I was hallucinating. Seeing me falling apart and having come out of a long-term relationship at the time, my best friend stopped persuading me to report Alex to the police.

Time wore on, but I couldn’t bring myself to take myself into the dating game again. I couldn’t trust anyone. I had no desire for sexual activity. I had no desire for a man to touch me. I withdrew into my shell.

I had emotional breakdowns and outbursts often with my family. I started to become emotionally and physically exhausted. One night though, I realized I couldn’t keep living my life like this. I was heading towards depression. I had to get help.

My thirtieth birthday was approaching and I gave myself the gift of working with a love, sex, and desire coach to unravel deeply grained beliefs and patterns in me. It was a confronting process where I not only dealt with this traumatic experience, but other experiences in my life that caused me to become closed off in my twenties.

I shed many tears processing emotions stored energetically in my body for years. I learned to feel comfortable to reveal my vulnerabilities and ask for help and receive support. Night after night, I stayed home and dug deep into my body to uncover my true feelings and receive answers through my body wisdom. I saw with confronting clarity how my beliefs and fears played its patterns in my relationships with loved ones and men romantically. I spent the large part of this year crying myself to sleep mostly, yet I’ve never felt as liberated and in touch with myself as I do today.

Working with a coach was the first step to help me to communicate and express myself to my family, and to the most important in the Universe, myself. I look at myself in the mirror sometimes and catch a glimmer of hope in my eyes. Tears of happiness fill my eyes because I see a completely new woman. A woman who today celebrates her sexuality and vulnerability and is proud of the commitment she showed to her growth.

By embracing the dark, messy parts and shadows of myself, I’ve learn to love myself exactly as who I am with no conditions imposed. As clichéd as that sounds, loving myself unconditionally and wholly has allowed to feel deeply present and welcome more love and abundance in all its divine forms (monetary, emotional, romantic) into my life.

Here are some words I’d like to leave you straight from the journal I kept while working with my coach:

During the session, my coach guided me to go deeper into my body. I felt called to explore vulnerability. I had the image of myself as a little girl. As a child. I saw myself with long, wavy black hair. My natural hair. No highlights or perm. My soft skin and luscious large almond-shaped eyes carried a lot of innocence and vulnerability. I felt emotions. I was not numb.

I felt emotion well up in my body and chest and throat. I feel vulnerable. I want to cry and feel lighter. I feel intimate with myself. I’ve never placed such intimate attention to how I’m feeling. I realize that I love myself dearly. A lot. I feel worthy. I showered my body with love, intimacy, affection, and attention. This is what I want in a deeply loving committed relationship and from a man. But first I must give this to myself.

Image source: Accurate-Psychic Readings

I Feel My Orgasmic Surrender Intensely and My Self-Worth Increasing

May 31, 2018 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

I feel waves of orgasmic pleasure wash over me. Every moment. Every day of my life. I feel my sexual energy deeply in my body and especially in my pelvic area. I didn’t realize how doing this sexual work would deeply transform me.

As I move through my days, I feel pleasure when I eat a piece of chocolate. When the wind brushes against my skin. When I dance and move my body to a sensual song. When I touch and feel a pretty rose. When I touch myself in my sacred erotic pelvic area. When an aha moments arrives in my mind. When ideas of creativity flow into my body and soul.

I am aware of every sensation in my body and of my orgasm. I feel orgasmic doing all these simple things in my day to day life. I feel I am a walking ball of orgasmic pleasure as I move through like an erotic Goddess through my days. I feel right at home and yet this feeling feels so foreign. I feel free. I feel I’m being myself.

My sexuality work is increasing my self-worth.

I’ve been afraid of my own erotic power. I know I’m a deeply sexual woman since childhood and then experienced waves of pleasure with my first boyfriend. I remember feeling like a woman. But over time, I gave all my sexual power to him. I viewed myself only from a man’s erotic gaze. Working on myself sexually has given the power back to myself. I feel so much in my body.

When I self-pleasure, it’s the most beautiful feeling in the whole Universe. Sometimes, I explode with intense dangerous pleasure. Other times, I reach my orgasm in a subtle, slow way. What comes through my touch is love. Lots of love. For myself. Deep, satisfying, compassionate, sensual love for myself. When I go to the office, I walk with a sway in my hips. I walk like I own the ground I’m walking. I feel powerful. I feel like a woman. I have emotional and sexual strength.

And at the same time, I embrace my vulnerability. There have been times in my self-pleasure sessions that I have literally cried throughout the time. I cry because I feel happy. I cry because I feel sad and a longing inside and it all comes out in the pleasuring. It is healing. Therapeutic. Transformative.

Reading this article may make you want to do the work around your sexuality and become a woman. It may make you feel you want to feel all this amazing feelings. The truth is it takes time. And there are a lot of tears and sweat. It depends on how much baggage you have. It depends on how deep you are willing to go. In my case, I’ve had layers and layers which I’m peeling away.

The most beautiful result of all this deep work? My self-worth is increasing greatly. I stand up for myself. I stand up for my desires and dreams. I feel I am worthy of a beautiful courtship and a loving relationship with a masculine man. I feel that I am worthy of joyful financial abundance. I deserve to life my life on my own terms. That I matter. My desires matter. My dreams matter. My body matters. My mind matters. My soul and heart matter. I matter.

With Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu

Image source: Always A Gentleman…Never A Saint

I am Destined to be a Fiery, Seductive Actress and Artist and My Training Starts this August

May 14, 2018 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

Dear Reader,

I’ve known since I was a child that I was to be an actress when I grew up. I know it with every fiber of my being and soul. And this is now becoming a reality. I notice how the Universe is moving me towards my destiny. It doesn’t matter whether I want to do this or not. This is not a decision I can make. This is my destiny. It is my calling. It is my mission on this Earth. I have come here to create transformation in women across the world through my creative and healing work. Books, digital courses, writing, and acting in films.

Becoming Intimate with My Sexuality to Become an Actress

I have avoided for years and years to become an actress because I’m too afraid to be seen. I don’t want to put myself out there. Because I feel so much that I don’t know how to express it in words. To my family. To my friends. Most of all, to my Beloved. I have often read of actors and artists who say acting is incredibly therapeutic for them. They take everything they feel and put it into their roles. They breathe life into their characters who come alive with such fire and intensity on the big screen.

I remember doing a scene when I was in high school. I was the geeky, awkward girl in high school. I remember wanting to be pretty and known like the “cool” kids in high school. We were asked to do a scene in front of the whole class. Every single student. We had to remember the lines. We had to express the lines with emotion. We had to become the character.

I honestly thought the “cool” kids would be able to pull it off so well because they are used to being seen and having all the attention. To my surprise, most people in my class weren’t able to complete the scene. It took several awkward tries for them. Some froze before even starting. When it came to my turn, I don’t think anyone expected anything from me. I was the quiet, simple Indian girl after all.

I completed the scene in one take. All lines said perfectly and with emotion and full expression. It was such a simple scene and only ten minutes long. In those ten minutes though, I felt myself transported. I felt myself connected to the Divine. To God. My teacher looked at me with shock and so did the rest of the class 🙂 Everyone clapped their hands for me and even though my soul knew it, I couldn’t understand myself. How was this so easy for me? Why did this feel so familiar to me? Why did this feel so spiritual for me?

I have found this very purpose in acting. To allow me to be who I am. To express who I am as a person. To be as sensual and fiery and seductive as I truly am deep inside. To take all my weirdness and package it into my art. I am meant to be an actress. I am meant to breathe life into characters and have them shine on the big screen with so much emotion and fire.

My training to be an actress starts this August. As soon as I wrap up my sex coaching and therapy, I am diving deep into acting. I am taking acting courses and training to be an artist. I am enrolling in a dance studio to learn the craft of dance, specifically Tango, Ballroom, and Latin styles. I am taking all that passion and pouring it into my characters and dance.

And, all of 2019, I continue my training to be an actress and simultaneously I’ll begin auditioning for parts and characters in films. I have no idea where this will all take me, though I’m willing to give my dream a chance. To give my soul a chance to express herself. To be who I am born to be.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu

Image source: la Repubblica PARMAit

Priyanka Yadvendu

Answers to Joy, Intimacy, Security, Family & Romantic Relationships for 20-Something Women

My Sexual Work is Supporting Me to Create Passive Income Streams to Embrace Marriage & Motherhood

I am A Very Passionate & Seductive Woman Underneath my Reserved and Guarded Facade

Shedding My Shame and Fear Around My Sexuality to Heal Myself

I Feel My Orgasmic Surrender Intensely and My Self-Worth Increasing

I am Destined to be a Fiery, Seductive Actress and Artist and My Training Starts this August

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