I feel waves of orgasmic pleasure wash over me.  Every moment.  Every day of my life.  I feel my sexual energy deeply in my body and especially in my pelvic area.  I didn’t realize how doing this sexual work would deeply transform me. 

As I move through my days, I feel pleasure when I eat a piece of chocolate.  When the wind brushes against my skin.  When I dance and move my body to a sensual song.  When I touch and feel a pretty rose.  When I touch myself in my sacred erotic pelvic area.  When an aha moments arrives in my mind.  When ideas of creativity flow into my body and soul.

I am aware of every sensation in my body and of my orgasm.  I feel orgasmic doing all these simple things in my day to day life.  I feel I am a walking ball of orgasmic pleasure as I move through like an erotic Goddess through my days.  I feel right at home and yet this feeling feels so foreign.  I feel free.  I feel I’m being myself.

I’ve been afraid of my own erotic power.  I know I’m a deeply sexual woman since childhood and then experienced waves of pleasure with my first boyfriend.  I remember feeling like a woman.  But over time, I gave all my sexual power to him.  I viewed myself only from a man’s erotic gaze.  Working on myself sexually has given the power back to myself.  I feel so much in my body.

When I self-pleasure, it’s the most beautiful feeling in the whole Universe.  Sometimes, I explode with intense dangerous pleasure.  Other times, I reach my orgasm in a subtle, slow way.  What comes through my touch is love.  Lots of love.  For myself.  Deep, satisfying, compassionate, sensual love for myself.  When I go to the office, I walk with a sway in my hips.  I walk like I own the ground I’m walking.  I feel powerful.  I feel like a woman.  I have emotional and sexual strength.

And at the same time, I embrace my vulnerability.  There have been times in my self-pleasure sessions that I have literally cried throughout the time.  I cry because I feel happy.  I cry because I feel sad and a longing inside and it all comes out in the pleasuring.  It is healing.  Therapeutic.  Transformative.

Reading this article may make you want to do the work around your sexuality and become a woman.  It may make you feel you want to feel all this amazing feelings.  The truth is it takes time.  And there are a lot of tears and sweat.  It depends on how much baggage you have.  It depends on how deep you are willing to go.  In my case, I’ve had layers and layers which I’m peeling away.

The most beautiful result of all this deep work?  My self-worth is increasing greatly.  I stand up for myself.  I stand up for my desires and dreams.  I feel I am worthy of a beautiful courtship and a loving relationship with a masculine man.  I feel that I am worthy of joyful financial abundance.  I deserve to life my life on my own terms.  That I matter.  My desires matter.  My dreams matter.  My body matters.  My mind matters.  My soul and heart matter.  I matter.

With Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu

 

Image source:  Always A Gentleman…Never A Saint

Dear Reader,

My life has been pretty good.  Everything felt like it was falling into place.  I started to feel happy again.  Then, I started working on my sexuality.  I started to focus on feeling my body.  Every part of my body.  From my arms, legs, knees, eyes, lips, breasts, thighs, pussy, hands.  Everything.  And then I fell apart.  Emotions coming to me that I didn’t know existed.  I couldn’t feel myself.  I don’t recognize what’s happening to me.

It feels like depression symptoms and the dark night of the soul I went through three years ago.  But this is different.  This is being triggered by the work I’m doing on my sexuality.  I’ve had outbursts and am crying throughout the day and most nights.  I feel I’m transforming and it’s all unfolding for my highest good, but it feels incredibly uncomfortable.  The pain I feel seems so real and at other times, like an illusion.  I knew this work would unearth something deep within me.  But in this way, I never imagined.  It has also created changes in my personal life that are confusing me.

Every moment seems to be a battle with myself.  I don’t understanding what’s occurring with me.  My soul and deep subconscious whispers to me that I’m transforming into a beautiful, erotic, sensual woman who is able to express her wildly deep feminine sexuality with ease.  I’m not quite there yet.  I’m not this woman yet.  She’s in the making.  It’s in process.  There isn’t any destination to reach.  Because the destination is me.  I am already her.  That wild, fiery intuitive sensual woman.  But I don’t see her yet.  Only parts of her.  Like a diamond, I’m polishing her until she is ready to bloom and show herself in the world.

I’m in self-imposed hibernation and seclusion.  I don’t feel like going to work or communicating much with my friends or interacting with the world in general.  I’m trying my best to keep on a happy face and meet as minimal social commitments as possible.  I do feel bored and upset with my self-imposed hibernation, but it is what is best for me currently.  I take it day by day and let the moment guide me every day.

I can feel with every fiber of my being that I’m going through a deep sexual awakening.  It is exciting and scary at the same time.  I feel I’m getting ready to be with my Beloved.  I remember writing in my journal about being able to freely express and share my sexuality with him.  The Universe has heard my desire and now I must be committed to realizing this desire.

I hope that my nearest and dearest people in my life to whom I’m not able to give much of my attention, love, affection, and energy forgive me and understand that for someone so intensely emotional and sensitive, this sexual awakening is intense and the only way I can go through it and emerge more beautiful and stronger is by feeling everything and making sense of this time in my life.  For a shy, reserved, introverted person like me, I’m not able to have too much people interaction at this time and need to be in my cocoon.

How am I handing this sexual awakening on a day-to-day basis?  That’s a great question.  Some days are easier than others.  I wake up with this strange, pulsing feeling in the pits of my stomach and chest and pussy areas of my body.  The week days are easier because I have work to keep me busy.  When I come home, I focus on consciously eating food and taking care of my body like exercising and going to the gym.

I also am working with a Sex Coach for the next six months who is supporting me during this time.  I also am taking Jaiya’s Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough Course Program and commit to doing the homework every night.  (Apparently my sexuality styles are Sensual and Kinky) I write in my journal making sense of my sexuality and my awakening in it.  I document how I feel.

Sometimes, doing this deep inner work on my sexuality though very powerful can also be too much.  I try to lighten myself by watching television with my family and going for social events and gathering (though not often), and watch funny comedy shows and Netflix to lighten my mood and laugh.

Writing this entry has been liberating for me.  And as I’ve always said, I endeavor to be as transparent as possible, in the hope that this supports you and touches you as deeply as I’m being touched right now.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu

 

Image source:  YouTube